From Simple to Screwy

   Hello. By the time you read this, I will have lost all my taste buds to tartaric acid. I wouldn't usually be funneling a one-pound bag of sour patch kids into my gob at 7 pm on a Wednesday... usually, but the day just got to me. What else is there to do when you are just DONE having a no good, soul-sucking, never-ending week? Oh, and you've made an inedible dinner. 

   That was the straw that broke this camel's back, dinner. I really thought I was ahead of the game pulling out a frozen bag of seafood mix. Of course, I didn't have any clue what to do with this mix. Just figured I'd throw it into a simple pasta, ya know make life easy on myself. The medley of seafood ended up sticking to the sautee pan and leaving burnt bits and a god-awful aroma- that was only amplified by a necessary overnight soak. And not even the pasta could have been saved from the travesty that is I. With eyes bigger than my stomach, the two boxes of angel hair were sticky and underdone. Nothing could be salvaged. 

  I didn't feel I could bear the groans of hunger from my little ones. And I definitely couldn't stomach the smell. I climbed the stairs defeated and retreated to my bed. Taking a moment to remove my head from the immediate failure. I cried those effortless tears. The ones that slowly release from the ducts unprovoked as you stare into a dark corner of the room. No blinking, no shuddering, just surrender.

   The small losses that replayed behind my eyes were only fueling what I thought others would or do think of me. Telling myself that I shouldn't be fumbling so much; with as often as I carry out the same routines and as little as I have to complete in a day. It shouldn't feel as heavy as it does. But that is crushing pressure we feel too often doing the mundane. Micromanaging to avoid the screw-up. And screwing up anyways. 

    This week I want to give myself a break from the control freak in me. Spare her the heartache that is being a mother for a bit. So if you see me retracing my steps to find a lost school flyer or throwing out a pile of pink laundry, just know I'm finding grace and would love if you could spare some. Hopefully, I learn how to roll with more missteps and not waste my time preventing and stressing them. Even when we're not perfect, we're winning when we give our all.