Momma and Cubs Have Left the Pack

   I dove feet first into my position as a mom. Been going five years strong now too. And have come to realize a piece of advice that I feel warrants some explanation to new mothers. The "Mom Group", social media pages, seem like a convenient way to create relationships with other moms, but can often lead to a wormhole of bitterness for those finding their own groove in this mommin' bizz.

   There is something so fun and empowering about joining a mom group. Plenty of life-changing hacks, fun activities to keep the kids busy, kid-friendly recipes, etc. And on top of all that, the idea of making friends with someone else who ALSO raises little people is comforting. Because well, motherhood can be lonely. So the obvious answer is joining a group of moms in hopes of, I don't know, establishing a village for raising children. 

   Social media is always bound to ruffle some feathers, sure. And new moms are subjected to some of the cruelest and most illegitimate judgments from the outside. Thus we tend to keep our circles small. Because what good is worrying on top of your already constant anxiety and a laundry list of to-do's that eat at you each night? It's disheartening to know that many parents tend to hold back from sharing pictures of a baby, because of the backlash of a bottle, boob, binky, buckle, rash, etc. in the picture. This third degree can turn something parents are so proud of or in some cases seriously inquiring for, into something that they need to go on the defense about. 

   Keeping those you love and care for in the know with information about developmental milestones, stories, and even pictures should be a safe haven. That child is something you would give and have given so much for. So the last place you'd expect to receive any harsh words, as a momma bear yourself, would be a pack of momma bears, right?

   Well, coincidentally bears don't travel in packs. It's just mom and the cubs. The reason why may just be reflected within "Mom Groups". Bears tend to be fierce and rarely stop to consider who they may harm when it comes to their cubs. So, when you do find yourself asking for advice, because hello that's why you're there, it can quickly make you feel regret. Long lists of opinions, statistics, horror stories: from so many people. The best part is you don't have any knowledge of their background knowledge. Susan could be a pediatric nurse with two kids of her own and have Hellen disagreeing with her suggestion, spouting that her kid's cough only worsened when she used such and such cold medicine. While the blue book of "advice" is often nice, the feedback can leave you wondering even more what it is you need for that baby.

   I remember my first instance of feeling like my child-rearing/labor needed defending happened while I was still in the hospital after labor. Yes, just after labor. From behind a screen, someone who did not know my choices for my daughter's birth said something that at the time had me feeling dismayed. After seeing her birth weight they responded something along the lines of, "Oh wow so tiny, she must have been induced." Not that it matters, but it came off in a way that this person thought inducing was inappropriate for it produced such a small baby. She didn't say it must have arrived early! It must have been induced. I did have to induce labor, but in any matter, it made me feel like I was already squandering my child from a healthy happy life. Luckily, I was surrounded by family and friends who did know my situation and were so very happy and proud of us that day.

   Since that day I have deluded myself with the idea that I have earned a thick skin for how others respond to parenting choices. And oftentimes I am indeed able to keep scrolling, but I joined a few "Mom Groups" myself and found myself just fearing how these momma bears would tear into me for my choices. And this wasn't what I envisioned when I wanted to find help or a damn good recipe for that frozen chicken. So, I decided to leave these groups. I had enough with the quick to judge, the holier than thou, and seeing so many moms under fire. Even when it came to indirect belittling because as mom's we can read between the lines (ladies we know). Essentially I realized that those who weren't offering a lending hand, shouldn't be offered a view of my child-rearing style. We know better than to let ourselves think any less of ourselves. Do yourselves a favor and stick to your guns. That mom intuition CAN keep you and babe on track with the right people who are IN your lives.

 There are so many alternatives to finding advice for those babes than subjecting yourself to that much more self-loathing. If you trust your pediatrician, AWESOME. If you don't, get out there and investigate. Read reviews. Call and set up a conference. Do this with all professionals in your child's life and keep YOUR group up to date. 

   And in the meantime, finding friends and creating a secure group can be affable. I recommend finding friends in events and clubs that revolve around subjects you actually have interests in. This will combat feeling like you are nothing more than a mom. It may even broaden the horizon for you to have an actual conversation with someone that isn't about one-upping the other, or what your kids eat. Just my little tidbit of advice for new moms and moms who are in that endless state of contempt.

  
   Now comment below whether you add granola to your kids' yogurt. Also, be sure to add the brand and age of your child for basis...oh wait. Never mind, they're already fighting over the last frozen waffle and leftover chocolate chip cookies. Breakfast is served.