Coaching Social-Emotional Awareness

   As a mother and Early Childhood educator, I have always been an advocate for the idea that your child does not need to show affection. And recently I have had to let my oldest daughter know that, she doesn't need to continue being friendly to someone when it feels draining. I'm reinforcing the idea that not everyone needs to be your friend. Not the idea that we are allowed to be mean or rude, but that they do not need to continue to try friendly tactics with children who are not accepting. Ultimately I want them to learn how to surround themselves with positive people and how to protect their mental health.

   I still battle feeling like I need to forgive and forget or try harder with people I used to consider good friends or even new acquaintances that just aren't good friend material. It takes a toll on your emotional health and doesn't help you feel socially accepted. While learning, that not everyone is deserving of my kindness, I have begun coaching my own kids through social interactions that have emotional circumstances.
   Practicing sincere apologies is what I consider to be the starting point in the social-emotional journey.  Ensuring they also recognize they don't have to accept an apology but must verbalize it's been acknowledged has helped them assess their own emotions within wrongful situations. We practice inclusive play that emphasizes talking through problems. If a friend is pretending the Barbie jeep is a helicopter and that's not how we envisioned playing we talk and find a compromise. And I coach them through verbalizing when they want to play alone and how best to redirect a friend that might feel upset with the idea that they need solitary play. My oldest often finds that the best way to keep her sister from taking a toy she may be using in her play is to offer her another similar toy or if she feels up to it, finding something they both play well together. Granted this won't work for everyone but as time goes on I coach her through a healthy approach and give her choices expressed from other's points of view. This ensures she gets a glimpse of her actions to be empathetic. In the same turn, it makes her self-aware and capable of knowing when someone does not value their kindness.

   Bottom line, if my child has used every positive social skill in their arsenal, I have indeed instructed them to play with someone who does make them feel happy. Sorry, not sorry if my child walks away from play. Their mental health and social capacity are my priorities. I know they rely on me heavily for their social-emotional skills and I won't subject them to put on a charade in order to share, play in a group, or make friends because I sure don't. Don't wait to teach your kid that their emotions matter. Don't let them feel vulnerable to the acceptance of others. Let them acknowledge friendliness and avoid emotionally draining situations.